“Indiana. Indiana. Let it go.” The Sunk Costs Fallacy.
In his seminal work on behavioural economics, Misbehaving, Richard H. Thaler tells the story of a man named Vince who paid $1,000 for a tennis club membership. Even after developing tennis elbow, he continued to play. He didn’t want to waste the money he had spent. He only gave up when the pain became literally unbearable. Thaler calls this the Sunk Cost Fallacy, where we persevere with something in an attempt to mentally recoup that money (or time) already spent, or to get perceived value from it. As he points out, that money is gone, no matter what we do. Punishing ourselves in some way through our continuing behaviours doesn’t help. This, in essence, is what behavioural economics is all about. It blends economic analysis with psychology to offer insights into our behaviours, the values we place on things, and the decisions we make as a consequence. How I fell foul of the Sunk Cost Fallacy Recently, I have fallen foul of the Sunk Cost Fallacy. A few years ago, I purchased a highly respected and expensive course in a field that wasn’t my home turf. I did so because it wasn’t long after COVID and my work had been heavily impacted. I thought it would be beneficial to have a backup plan. I had a year to complete the course. I did nothing. Partly because work picked up. Partly because we had a rollercoaster of a year with miscarriages, family illnesses, and then a pregnancy. Partly because every time I looked at the course, I realised I found it incredibly dull and the learning experience (and lack of any support provided) meant I just couldn’t get into it. At the end of the year, I had a choice. I could let it go, or I could try to retrieve some value from my spent cash. So, I spoke to the ‘training provider’ (I put that in inverted commas because the ‘training’ was a series of web pages to read, occasionally clicking on a box to be able to read the text in a different place – but more on that another time) and I persuaded myself that if I swapped the course for another pathway, that would motivate me to get it done. Eleven months later, and with an 18-month-old, a very busy work schedule, and more family and life stresses, guess how much work I’d done? I’m sure you got it right. Nada. So, I spoke to my partner, Lou, and decided to go into overdrive. I understand the language of qualifications and what assessments require very well, and I know I can learn FAST! So I started. I ploughed through an assignment, hating every second of it and feeling like I was learning nothing of value to me (that’s not to say it might not be valuable to someone else, it’s just not my bag). I began the second assignment late one evening, and I spent much of the night awake with a very unwell baby, thinking about the course and whether I should continue or not. And then, the following morning, I saw an image on my web provider’s homepage. It’s the one below, of the city of Petra – or Raqmu as it was called by its creators – in Jordan. It’s also the scene used in the best of the Indiana Jones movies, The Last Crusade. (In my humble opinion, but having watched each at least thirty times, I feel well placed to offer up my view.) It serves as the resting place of the Holy Grail. After the Nazis attempt to remove the Grail, the place begins to fall apart and the Grail falls into a freshly opened crevasse in the floor. Indiana Jones tries to save Elsa – his double-crossing love interest in the film – as she scrambles in to attempt to retrieve the Grail, desirous of the everlasting youth and untold powers it would bring. She can’t reach it and slips out of Jones’ grasp and into the abyss below. Indiana, though, thinks he can reach it. Jones’ father (the ever-wonderful Sean Connery) clings onto Indy’s hand and repeatedly tries to get his attention, calling him Junior, much to Indy’s disdain. Eventually, Connery says, “Indiana. Indiana. Let it go.” And that was all it took. Indiana Jones lets go. He gives up on the Holy Grail and takes both of his father’s hands, Connery hauling him out of the crevasse and the pair beating a hasty retreat before the whole place collapses. With the memory of that film scene firmly in my head, I also knew what I was going to do about my course. Let it go. What can you learn from the Sunk Cost Fallacy in relation to your health and fitness? The key thing is to learn to let go of things that aren’t working or don’t feel right. Yes, you may have spent a lot of money on that gym membership but you’re not going, so if you know deep down that’s not going to change, let it go. You can decide not to go back to that diet ‘one more time’, if you know in your gut (no pun intended) that you don’t really like it. That’s not to say you should always give up. If something feels like the right path but you just need to do some tweaking and try again, that’s cool. But don’t keep going out of a sense of guilt that you’ve wasted good money or time. Instead, imagine those smooth Scottish tones of Sean Connery. Let it go, take his hands and let him help you out of that hole that you’ve been stuck in for some time.
The hardest mindset habit of all?
I posted this weekly Facebook feature, Monday Mindset. I thought I’d also add it to a blog post so that it was available for you to look over and use any time, because it’s such an important skill to develop. One of the hardest challenges of all in fact, something that every single one of us has failed at many times and will do so again in the future. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth thinking about and trying to find some tools to help manage it when it happens. What is it? It’s the ability to separate our actions from our emotions. To press pause when we’re about to do things that we know are unhelpful for our long-term goals and ambitions. Have you ever eaten junk food because you felt low? Skipped an exercise session because you were mentally tired? Maybe had a drink (or two, or three) because you’d had a stressful time? Then you know what I mean. We often want to perform better, healthier habits, especially when we have goals we want to achieve, but life gets in the way and we make snap decisions that later on we wish we hadn’t. ‘I wish I’d not eaten that entire box of chocolates last night!’ ‘My head wishes I’d not drunk both of those bottles of wine!’ So can we break this cycle? Can we get our rational brain to talk to our emotional brain, just long enough to press pause, avoid doing what we don’t really want to, and stick to the plan? If yes, then how? The answer is different for everyone, but here are a few ideas that might be helpful. Feel free of course, to adapt them or to think up some of your own. – POST-IT NOTES: A client of mine used to have one on the biscuit tin that simply read, ‘Are you sure?’ – PHONE AND CALENDAR REMINDERS: If you know when you’re most likely to eat the wrong things, or head to the pub with colleagues, can you prepare yourself a message, a bit like our post-its above, that just asks you if you really want to do this? – DISTRACTORS: If a message isn’t enough, can you ramp it up by setting appointments or catch-ups that mean you physically can’t do the wrong thing. Many years ago, I had a man request that I train him at 9pm on a Friday in the gym. He wanted me to work him really hard so that he was too tired to go out afterwards. The plan was to save him over £100 in booze, kebabs, and taxis, plus all the health benefits that came with it. The PT session was cheap at half the price, literally! – SUPPORT CREW: Sometimes, we don’t have the willpower to say no on our own. That’s when enlisting the help of someone else makes a difference. It doesn’t have to be a PT like in the case above. It can be a family member, friend, or work colleague, maybe it’s someone who’s working on a similar goal and needs the same assistance. Do any of these ideas work for you? Do you have another tool, tactic, or technique you can use instead? If so, please do share it if you’re willing so that others can benefit from it too. Whatever it is, see if you can use it to press pause once or twice this week. And please do let me know if you manage it, I’ll be hugely impressed.
How has the easing of lockdown improved your wellbeing?
You might think that a picture of a group of people drinking has no place on a website dedicated to your wellbeing and, in some ways, it doesn’t. It’s certainly not the alcohol that’s the most important element of the picture. Far from it. It’s the fact that the people are together, socialising, and enjoying themselves. Our lives have been changed in so many ways over the past 15 months. We’ve had many of our freedoms taken away and realised the importance of many things that we simply took for granted. So what is it about the recent easing of lockdown that’s been most helpful in improving your wellbeing? Maybe it’s: Getting to see family and friends. Studies have suggested that the strength of a person’s social circle might be a better predictor of stress, happiness and wellbeing than some fitness tracker data. So, going to the pub for a drink with friends could actually be just as important as going for your morning run! Who knew??? I can’t find the reference, but one of my all-time favourite research studies was done on a group of elderly folk who were suffering from mild depression. During the study, half of the participants took part in regular exercise sessions, whilst the others got together for regular tea and biscuit mornings. The results? Both groups saw equal improvements in their mood (and in other markers of wellbeing too)! It seemed just the act of being with others was enough to improve wellbeing. Wonderful news to my ears, as that means not only can I go to the pub, I can have biscuits too!!! 😉 NOTE: All in moderation of course. It’s all about balance. Freedom Human beings have been fighting to protect their freedoms for millennia, and no doubt will continue to do so for thousands more years to come. Being able to choose, to do what we want, when we want to, is an essential element of our wellbeing. Autonomy is well recognised as being vital in so many aspects of our lives. As a child, we grow up wanting the freedom to be able to do the things we want, and this certainly causes a few arguments with our parents along the way! In the workplace, autonomy is recognised as one of the key elements that help workers to feel valued and, consequently, increases the loyalty someone feels towards an organisation, and the productivity of their work. Many of our simplest freedoms have been missing this past year. The freedom to go where we want to, see who we like, partake in many of our favourite hobbies and pastimes. Maybe getting this back, even just a little, has been the thing you’ve treasured most in recent weeks? Spontaneity ‘Shall we go out for dinner tonight?’ When was the last time you said that? These days, it’s more like ‘I best book a table at the pub for two weeks Tuesday, just in case they get full.’ I know this is one of the things I’ve missed hugely. When we did our ride last year, I was hoping that we’d be able to just take each day as it comes, see how far we could go, and then, late afternoon pop into a campsite or B&B that we were passing to see if they had any space. The reality was much different. We had to plan every stay a week or more in advance and stick rigidly to our schedule. I guess spontaneity is all part of freedom. To be able to go where the wind blows us, to drift on the tide, enjoy the ride, and see where we end up. Variety ‘What day is it?’ How many times have you asked that question in recent times? When all days feel the same, it really is hard to tell! Weirdly, having some structure in our lives also provides us with variety. We know that we do specific things on certain days and at certain times, work being the obvious example. But it’s the structure of a working week that allows evenings and weekends to feel like such a wonderful change. As a self-employed person, I’ve had to work hard for years to ensure I kept variety in my week. To limit myself to working on certain days between certain times, and even in specific places in the house. It’s a vital part of wellbeing. It allows us to compartmentalise our lives into work time, family time, me time, and any other time that’s important. Variety really is the spice of life, so it’s quite understandable that many people have found the monotony of lockdowns such a challenge. Hopefully, now your freedoms are beginning to return, you’ve started to feel like your life has both more structure and more variety again? How has the easing of lockdown improved your wellbeing? I’d love to know, so please do reply and tell me in the comments box below. And whatever your reasons, long may it continue!
Be a collector of healthy habits
When I was a kid, I loved collecting all sorts of things. I had collections of stickers, playing cards, beer mats, small china animals (the type you get from gift shops in seaside resorts), and Liverpool FC badges. Each time we went to a game at Anfield, my dad would buy me one from the stalls that lined the streets on the way into the ground. And yes, I was also a rather avid collector of stamps! But, to be fair to me, they were special ones – the First Day Covers that commemorated the release of a new set of stamps or that marked special occasions like the anniversary of D-Day or the Queen’s birthday. OK, that’s probably too much information about stamps. But there is a reason why I’m telling you about my geeky childhood – healthy habits. As I’m sure you know by now, I’m a big believer in developing healthy habits. Why? Because of the principle of ‘Reversibility’. Or put more simply, the ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it‘ principle. Mostly you hear about this principle in relation to exercise. If you stop being active, then you lose your hard-earned fitness gains. But, the truth is it applies to every single healthy habit going. You cannot store physical or mental health, fitness, and wellbeing for very long. It’s a bit like looking after a plant. You must feed and water it regularly to ensure it survives and grows. In the same way, you must keep feeding and watering your body and mind with healthy habits. Only that way can you thrive. So what? That sounds fairly obvious. It does. And it is. But that doesn’t mean that we humans are very good at following the principle. On the contrary – we often find ourselves trying hard to take up one healthy habit or another, only to give it as soon as something goes wrong. If you want to find lasting wellbeing, you have to find another way. I believe that way lies in thinking of yourself as a collector. Your challenge in life is to collect as many healthy habits as you can along the way. You might review how you’re doing in the same way that children compare their sticker collections in the playground: ‘Got, got, got, need.’ (Children of the 80s and 90s will know what this means). Take a moment to look at your lifestyle – highlight the healthy habits you already have in place, and then pick a new one, a ‘shiny one’, that you want to collect next. I say a ‘shiny one’ because those were the stickers we desperately wanted for our albums when we were kids. It was always football stickers that I collected. The shiny ones were usually the club badges, and I thought they looked amazing! As kids, we never gave up until every gap in our sticker album was filled. And that’s the way you have to see collecting healthy habits. It’s a lifelong quest to collect more and more. And unlike stickers, you can also refine the ones you have already collected. If there are no new habits that you want or feel able to work on right now, is there anything you can do to improve an existing one just one per cent more? Working on healthy habits has to be a lifelong quest because, as I’ve already mentioned – if you stop practising any one of them, you lose the benefits. Yes, you have the choice to give up, to stop one healthy habit or another, or even all of them. But are you sure you want to? Or do you know that in a few weeks, you’ll regret it and want to start again? Only with even more work to do to get back to where you were – like a real-life game of snakes and ladders. In reality, your wellbeing is one giant game of snakes and ladders. Sometimes you’re doing well, climbing the rungs each day, and feeling great. At other times things are tough, and you’re sliding down the back of that slippery serpent. When that happens, you have to learn to go again. Winning comes from being determined, stubborn, never giving up, trying with everything you have, forever. What will you collect next? That’s my question for you today. And I don’t mean stamps! What’s next on your healthy habits list?
Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder. Or does it?
Is it a good idea to give things up when you’re trying to be healthier? There’s often a view that abstaining from things is bad – and can end up making you crave them more. People are told that if they give up chocolate, or caffeine, or sugar, that they may end up desiring it so much that the urge becomes uncontrollable and they end up gorging on it in huge excess. But, is that true? I guess my answer is the same one that I would frequently give to new Personal Trainers when I was taking them through their courses and they’d have a question they wanted answering about some aspect of health and fitness… ‘It depends.’ Giving things up – foods, drinks, or other unhealthy habits can be both extremely helpful, and also a very bad idea. Let’s have a look at when it might be good to abstain completely, and when it might not. Addiction For people struggling with addictions – to alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, or gambling, giving up can be the only way to break the cycle. They have to adopt a zero tolerance policy, because for any of a number of reasons – some related to their personal circumstances, and others to the way their brain is wired, they are not able to exert any control over that particular habit. They cannot judge sensible levels, and so abstaining completely is the only safe way for them. Whilst many of us will talk of being addicted to things – coffee, or sugar for example – unless it has exerted a terribly negative influence on our life, then we may not feel that total abstinence is the right choice for us. Values The most common example I can give of how values impact health behaviours is that of having children. Instantly, many mothers will go without all sorts of foods and drinks in an effort to ensure that their unborn baby is healthy. And you’ll frequently see both mums and dads packing up smoking completely once they learn they have a child on the way. They may have tried to quit a number of times before but, for some reason, they’ve never managed to make it stick. Until now. Why? Because they suddenly have something that is vastly more important to them. Now it matters. The same sometimes happens when people are diagnosed with an illness, or a close friend or family member is. It doesn’t always work like this, but it’s still a powerful influencer. That doesn’t mean that when people try to abstain from things they deem unhealthy, but fail, that they don’t think it’s important. The very fact that they’ve tried to give up means they must see the benefits of doing it to some degree. The challenge often lies in the fact that things aren’t black and white – we can see both benefits and drawbacks in a habit at the same time, and we can get stuck in the middle – giving up, starting again, giving up, relapsing, and so on. Here’s an example: John wants to give up chocolate. He feels it would help him to have more energy in the long run, and there is a family history of type 2 diabetes, so he’s concerned for his long-term health. But, he works hard and a chocolate bar sometimes gives him a quick boost of energy when he needs it. He also loves the taste, and he sometimes has some chocolate in the evening as a reward after a hard day at work in a demanding job. It’s easy to see here how John might decide to give up, but then slip back into old habits because he feels that chocolate gives him some important things. Swaps For people like John, a swap is often the best option, to ensure that he gets the benefits of giving up, whilst finding a healthier way to retain the benefits of the chocolate bar. Here’s how he might do it: Discover other ways to increase his energy levels during the day – maybe swapping chocolate for a quick 5-minute walk outside. Or he might choose to drink some water, or have a piece of fruit, or do some meditation, or have a cup of tea. T He might also make a list of things he really loves the taste of that he feels are healthier – natural yoghurt with raspberries, maybe even a simple swap to darker chocolate, or a homemade healthy energy bar. It doesn’t have to be like for like i.e. food for food – just something that gives you the same feelings/benefits/rewards. The choices are endless, and it’s up to John to choose what’s best for him to feel like he’s moving in the right direction towards better health. The swap is such a powerful choice because you’re still getting the thing you ultimately desired – energy. comfort, social interaction. I’ve frequently heard the latter as the reason people go out with colleagues for a fag break, or to the pub. If you can find a way to still get what you want, without resorting to the healthy habit, your brain will likely be very satisfied and refrain from trying to tempt you into old ways. Your mindset Finally, choosing to abstain or not will depend very much on how you view things. For example, I’ve worked with a number of clients who said they wouldn’t be able to reduce the amount of a certain food. If they were going to have a biscuit, they knew they’d end up eating the entire pack. Some people might choose to take a packet and split it into smaller portions, or share them with a friend. But this person knew they wouldn’t do that – so zero tolerance was the only way for them. And it can work. In the same way that it works for the smokers and drinkers that we talked about earlier on. With foods, some clients find that they
Lessons from a long run
As many of you know, last weekend was my marathon in Frankfurt and I was excited to be feeling fit and going for a PB. You might also know that it didn’t really go to plan, and I wondered if there were some lessons I could share that might be useful for you in your own quest for better health and fitness. This isn’t a blog about running marathons necessarily, or even a blog about running. I thought I’d focus more on trying to perform at your very best, the important things to consider and what happens if it doesn’t quite work out this time around. When you’re trying to achieve something, be that a race time, a new strength PB, a weight loss goal or even personal and life goals like running a business or learning a new skill, it’s unlikely that you’ll have success every time. Often, we have lots of success in the early stages as we start out from a low level of skill or knowledge. With my marathons for example, last Sunday was my 6th and up until now, I’ve run a PB every time I’ve done one. Sometimes only by a matter of seconds or minutes, but the improvement has been gradual. As you reach the peak of your abilities though, it becomes less likely that you can simply get better every time you do something. You’re bound to have failures along the way. At this point, you essentially have two options as far as I can tell: 1) Give up trying to get better 2) Review what went well (repeat this in future) and what didn’t go so well (change it next time). If I think about the run last weekend, there were loads of good things about it; I had zero issues with uncomfortable chaffing which I’ve never achieved before, so I know my clothing, footwear and voluminous application of vaseline were right for me. I never felt hungry or thirsty which has always been a problem for me, so the plan regarding food and drink was good. Even when I started to break physically, my mental state remained relaxed. I never became frustrated, I just kept my focus on one mile at a time (something I’ve never mastered as well before), blocking out the fact that there were more to come afterwards. This allowed me to re-evaluate every mile and meant that once I had broken, I was able to just relax, hobble on home and enjoy the music and the ridiculousness of marathons. I’d love to say I could enjoy the scenery, but apart from being flat and good for quick times, Frankfurt marathon is actually a bit dull in terms of spectacles. The skyscraper skyline is the main attraction, but the truth is that in marathons it’s often busy around you and looking up is not really an option, you have to do quite a lot of staring at the floor to ensure you don’t trip yourself or anyone else over. My training went pretty much to plan, managing more than I’d done before and at faster speeds. Vicky’s expert planning also meant we were only a few hundred metres from the start so I could warm-up in the hotel gym beforehand and crawl back quickly afterwards (more Vicky’s wonderful organisation than mine but I credit myself for marrying her)! So all in all, there were a lot of positives to take and that’s why I’m not disappointed. When something you’re trying to do goes wrong, list the positives from the experience. If you can frame it as learning rather than failure, it starts to feel useful. Ultimately, I didn’t run the time I wanted and so, whilst it’s important for me to take the good stuff from the day, I also need to evaluate what stopped me getting what I wanted and do something about it for next time. What was it? My issue lay in my biomechanics. By 12 miles, I was feeling tight in my left hip and lower back, by 14 miles this had stopped me being able to bend my left knee properly and not long after that, this led to my right hip and knee hurting a lot as they did more of the work. I believe the problem stems from the major injury I sustained when I was 18, tearing my right quadriceps off my leg completely. The muscle re-attached itself, half way up my leg and by the time I’d discovered exactly what had happened, I was told that surgery could likely cause more problems and I should learn to live with it. I’ve spent the last 19 years feeling discomfort in my neck, back, hip and leg on the opposite side, essentially because the muscles of the left leg are longer and more of my weight shifts to that side. I never actually have a problem with the muscle I tore. Over the years, I’ve managed it pretty well and achieved some cool things fitness-wise, but running marathons has always seemed a bit too much for it to take; it’s always joint discomfort on this side that slows me down as opposed to fitness or fatigue. I think this time I was too optimistic that it would be ok; often I can manage it pretty well but a few weeks before the race my back locked up and I should have seen a masseuse or osteopath to release it. Better late than never though; I’ve spoken to an osteopath friend and I’ll see him ASAP, and I’m considering seeing a specialist to see if I can re-balance my stride through having some orthotics made. The point here is that if you’re trying to achieve something and it goes wrong, you need to look for solutions. In performance terms, we’re only as strong as our weakest link, which in my case is my wonky leg. To be as fast as I want to be, I need to be less wonky!
Think like a professional sportsperson to get fitter, healthier and happier
This weekend sees the World Cup final, sadly without England, the finals of Wimbledon and the continuation of the Tour de France. You’ll see men and women at the very pinnacle of their sports, performing at the highest level. It’s not just physical ability that sets them apart; they’re also mentally strong and have developed a range of psychological tools to help them stay focused, positive and calm when the pressure is on. You might not want to be amongst the best athletes on the planet but you can still learn from them and use their techniques to help you achieve your health, fitness and wellbeing goals. So what exactly do they do that makes such a difference? Chase your dreams A study in the New England Journal of Medicine suggested that people who set themselves tougher goals were more likely to achieve them. The reason proposed is that tougher goals enable you to maintain higher motivation levels for longer. Don’t just accept average, go after the dream. Focus on the process Whilst you might do better having a bigger goal to work towards, you then also need to be capable of focusing on the things you need to do to get there. Whilst Serena may say to herself that she wants to win Wimbledon, her first goal will be to get her first serve in. Mark Cavendish will set himself the target of being in bed early enough to ensure he gets enough rest ahead of tomorrow’s stage, and we all know how Gareth Southgate got the England players thinking about their roles for every single set piece in the game. It’s the repeated achievement of these smaller goals that makes the big one possible. For you it might be to have a healthy breakfast every day before leaving for work or making sure you’ve made your food and snacks for the next day the night before. It might be having your gym kit packed and having your lights out by 10:30 so you can be in the gym for 6:30. “I was expecting a few more baby steps, but every time I go out there, I want to take a giant step forward, keep improving.” Serena Williams, on wanting to make small improvements after coming back from giving birth, but surprising herself by reaching the Wimbledon Final. Chunk it down A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. If you think about the epic goal you’re working towards, it can feel overwhelming. How many times do you hear sportspeople say ‘we’ll take it one game at a time.’ It sounds a bit boring when they keep repeating it, but it’s true and it’s this fantastic ability to make it seem smaller that helps them through it. Marathon runners don’t think about the whole 26.2 miles, they just focus on getting over the crest of the hill. You can focus on just eating healthily today; worry about tomorrow when it comes. Show bouncebackability Tennis players can be 0-40 down on their serve and fight back to win the game. Only the other day, Kevin Anderson came from two sets down against the mighty Roger Federer to win in five sets, taking the last one 13-11. He was only capable of this because he could forget what had gone and focus on the next point, and the next, then the next. You can do the same if you choose something less healthy for lunch or if you miss a gym class. Does it matter? Not if you pick yourself up and get back to it. It matters if you let it matter and get yourself on that negative hamster wheel – ‘I ate something bad, I feel rubbish, so I can’t be bothered to go for my run tonight – and that makes me feel down so I’ll have a few drinks.’ Athletes don’t let the wheel start to turn; they recognise that something hasn’t gone well, forgive themselves, forget about it and go again. You can too. Use the power of words and pictures Top athletes are very good at using their mind to good effect. They can visualise the successful outcome they’re after. Jess Ennis-Hill used to picture herself performing the precise technique she was looking for and Jonny Wilkinson famously used to repeat the same routine before every kick, picturing in his head the feeling of the ball as it struck his foot and watching it fly straight between the posts. You can practice seeing yourself lifting the weight you’ve been targeting, getting into the clothes you want to feel comfortable in again, or crossing the finish line in that race. When you do, really take yourself there; imagine what it looks like, the sounds you’d hear and the smells, tastes and feelings you’d experience. They’re also great at positive self-talk. Many clients have told me over the years how they struggle to manage the voice in their head, the one that tells them to eat the packet of biscuits in the cupboard or have some more of that cake in the office kitchen to celebrate Jennie’s birthday. And why not? You won’t achieve your goal anyway so it doesn’t matter. Instead, use mantra’s like the pro’s. Gwen Jorgensen, two-time World Triathlon champion and Olympic gold medallist, says to herself ‘These are not sacrifices, but investments. I truly believe they will pay me back ten-fold.’ This could just as easily relate to dietary changes for a weight loss goal as it does to the hopes of a gold medal. Distract yourself What about when you’re exercising? What do athletes do to get through the hard training? Many people assume that they enjoy it because they’re so fit but that just isn’t the case. They get so fit because they can endure the pain and
Hope springs eternal
As I ran in the rain this morning (yes the world has definitely returned to normal), I thought about the what-ifs of England’s performance last night. What if Kane had taken his chance in the first half or Lingard had put his foot through the ball instead of trying to side foot it into the bottom corner? What if we’d managed to stop them delivering the ball from wide areas, or if the ref had decided that the equaliser was actually a foul for a dangerously high foot? What I realised was that none of it really mattered. In fact, it wasn’t even football that mattered. What counted was that the nation of England had come together with one thing driving them; hope. Before the game yesterday, Goran Ivanisevic the giant Croatian tennis player had berated the English for their arrogance in thinking that we were already in the final, we’d already won it. Roy Keane did the same after the game in an entertaining spat with Ian Wright. Luka Modric accused England of not showing Croatia enough respect, but all of them missed the point, except Wrighty who captured the mindset of the English nation perfectly. We didn’t think we’d won it, we never even thought we’d make the final, we just hoped. And about three weeks ago, if you’d asked most people, they’d have said we had no hope. Listen to the lyrics of the rejuvenated Baddiel and Skinner song, most of them are about our disappointments, the moments when we lost hope. ‘It’s coming home’ doesn’t represent an arrogant notion that the Jules Rimet trophy will again be paraded through the streets of England on an open top bus, it just reflects our hope that one day, it might. The performances, actions and behaviours of the England team and management reignited hope in the last few weeks. A hope we haven’t seen in football for over twenty years. We’ve had it in the tennis, with Murray finally bringing a British victory at Wimbledon and the 2012 Olympics ignited it for athletics and sports rarely watched at other times. And look what happened there; Murray did it again a few years later and Team GB went on to better their 2012 medal tally in Rio 4 years later. Of course, hope for the sporting performances of our superstars is one thing, but it’s not in our control. We can only support them, cheer them on from the sidelines. But it’s well established that sporting successes bring a feel-good factor to a nation, a stronger bond and a sense of identity that may sometimes be hard to feel, especially in a world of Brexit, Trump, terror and fear. Science tells us that hope is a good thing. Positive language has been shown to be contagious; it literally infects the mind of others. Obama’s famous slogan ‘Yes we can’ probably wouldn’t have gained as much traction if he’d opted for ‘Erm…well maybe we could’ and Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream…but it’s not very likely’ speech wouldn’t have gone down in the history books. There’s also work to suggest that optimism, which is closely linked to hope, can positively affect wellbeing. But optimism is different to hope. We were optimistic about England’s chances for the first time in years, and whilst this positive feeling will have been acknowledged by the players, it couldn’t directly affect the outcome. Yes it could have made them feel better, inspired them and therefore boosted performance that way, but there was no direct link. But hope about your own situations is different. If you’re hopeful of achieving better health and fitness, science suggests you’ll be more determined to get there and less likely to give up should the path to success not run smooth. And that’s the key to health, fitness and happiness; the repetition of behaviours frequently over long periods of time. A few weeks of exercise followed by months of nothing, or 9 days of dieting after which you revert to unhealthy habits will not lead to balance. If you give up, you’ll never reach your goals, if you keep going, you might just get there. Hope appears consistently in human history, from the works of ancient Greece to Shakespeare, the romantic poets, Dickens and Tolkien, from politicians and influencers like Lincoln, Churchill, Luther King, Mandela and Lennon, it’s ever-present. It’s one of the key tenets of the Star Wars films and maybe its popularity endures because, at the end of the day, no matter what happens, there’s always hope. This is summed up brilliantly by two very different characters. Martin Luther King said “we must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope”, whilst last night in his on-air tiff with Roy Keane, Ian Wright repeatedly asked him ‘why shouldn’t we get excited about being in a semi-final?’ Be like Ian Wright, be hopeful, good things might just happen. For more content like this, plus dietary advice, recipes, lifestyle and exercise tips and workouts, sign up to our newsletter here
Why do you try to do too much and fail, and what can you do about it?
I’m an optimist, always have been. I firmly believe that I can do more in the time I have available than I actually can. I always think it will take less time to get somewhere than it does, that the roads will be traffic-free and a smooth journey awaits. I also believe that I’ll be able to get through the list of ten things that I set myself to do each day, and that I’ll also fit in two exercise sessions around this, and do the housework, and have time to read my favourite book in the evening. But I don’t. And I’m not alone. Many of us will take on too many things at once, try to fit a new course in around a busy work schedule, imagine that we’ll have time to cook all of our meals for the week ahead on Sunday afternoon, or tell the gym instructor when we join the gym that it’ll be no problem to go seven days a week. Stand up if this last one is you. Now sit down again, at least you’ve got a squat in today even if you haven’t quite squeezed in that workout. Now I’m not saying optimism is a bad thing; we need it to motivate ourselves and research has often found that working towards something positive is more effective than working away from something negative, and that people with a strong belief in themselves are often more likely to achieve. But sometimes we go too far and this can be as problematic as being too negative; what we need instead is to strike a nice balance. So let’s look at why it is in our nature as humans to overload ourselves with things to do and then repeatedly come up short? And after that we’ll look at some possibilities to change in future. Optimism feels good It takes us to an imaginary place where everything is how we want it to be and that makes us feel good. Because we feel good we decide that’s where we’d like to be instead and so we rush to get there, attempting to do everything all in one go. This can lead to a mismatch between our dreams and desires and our current situation and abilities. I’m sure you know it, I call it ‘X-Factor Syndrome’. “I want to be the next Mariah Carey.” And ok, that’s cool, what’s sometimes forgotten is how long and hard the journey is to get that far, let’s just settle for singing in tune first and go from there; if we still want it, we keep working at it step-by-step, often for a long time to really master it. Memory is always rose-tinted If you’ve ever done something silly like a marathon, or other suitably big challenge, you’ll know what I’m talking about here. You finish the race and you say it, you always do…’never again’, and you mean it. You feel terrible, exhausted, your whole body hurts and you can’t stomach food or drink. But as the days pass these aches and pains become less and you start to think, ‘maybe it wasn’t that bad?’ Within two weeks you’re trawling websites looking for future marathons because you’re sure you can go faster, and then boom, you’ve entered! The same happens here, we forget that we took on too much and it didn’t work, or we push it to the back of our minds or assign the failure to maintain our change as down to chance or something beyond our control. It may well have been; what we often don’t do though is to look at why it didn’t go as planned. What have I really learned? What needs to be different this time for me to get there? These are deep and painful questions sometimes, and we don’t like to recognise ‘failures’ on our own part, although it is helpful to do so and even to look at them not as failures, simply as learning. We prefer it to feeling ‘negative’ Even if we’ve had a go at something and it hasn’t worked out, it’s better not to be down about it, right? If we start saying things like ‘I can’t do that’ these days, it’s easy to be labelled as a pessimist or just being negative. Society puts a lot of pressure on us to be cheerful and upbeat, when sometimes we don’t want to be, and actually, it’s not always helpful to be. As with most things, it’s about striking the right balance, it’s not about saying ‘that’s impossible’ or “I can never achieve things’, it’s about saying ‘what’s realistic to do right now given what’s going on in life/work/at home.’ In the long run, this can help us more than blind faith and endless positivity. Thinking positively is a start…but it’s doing that actually makes things happen One thing I’ve discovered over the years is that sometimes we just don’t feel very positive. Some days I wake up and think ‘I can’t be arsed to train today’ or ‘that plan I have for the business is useless.’ I’ve worked with many clients too who turn up for sessions feeling down or tired or lacking belief they can achieve their goals. We work on the mantra of ‘let’s just do it anyway.’ So we do some exercise or we eat well even if we’re not feeling it, and lo and behold, our mood improves and we start to feel a bit more positive about things. If you struggle with positivity, taking the ‘just do it anyway’ approach might help. It’s certainly better than thinking positively but not doing something about it, that’s just praying for luck and whilst sometimes it can happen, what you want becomes much more likely with doing. Optimism prevents us from examining potential problems, barriers and drawbacks Being positive and believing things will work out in the end can stop us from examining why we haven’t got there already. A reality check allows us to
Even though I know it’s not good for me, why do I still do it? Exploring the mindset of giving things up
Everyone has been there in some way, shape or form. Some of us really want to give up smoking, but we just can’t seem to resist when colleagues invite us outside for the mid-morning break. For others, we so desperately want to say no to the cake on offer but it’s hard when it appears to be somebody’s birthday, promotion or leaving do nearly every day, and even harder when our folks have bought it especially for our visit…it is our favourite after all. Others of us are determined to stick to a ‘two drinks only’ plan on Friday night, but somehow that turns into seven and we’re not quite surehow. The reality is that change is not black and white. It’s often not as simple as saying “I really want this and therefore I’m going to completely give up that.” We see benefits to making changes but we also see benefits to doing the things we currently do, or we wouldn’t be doing them in the first place. This concept is known as Ambivalence. It is, according to the dictionary, ‘the state of having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about something.‘ Here are some examples… ‘I want to lose weight’…BUT…’I really like wine as it helps me to unwind after a stressful day.’ ‘I’m determined to give up cigarettes as I know they’re bad for my health’…BUT…’As bad as they are for me, I know they’re the one thing that helps me keep weight off.’ ‘I’m constantly getting ill and I’m sure it’s because I eat too much sugar.’…BUT…’When I get tired in the afternoons I need something to perk me up quickly to make it to the end of the day.’ We could go on with many more examples; my bet is you’re sat there now thinking about your own. And there are a few things we should say about this thought process: 1) IT IS COMPLETELY NORMAL. No matter what the person you follow on Instagram says about #Gainz #AthleteLife #CleanEating #NoExcuses or any other ‘motivational’ saying, they often think about unhealthy things too, find it hard to resist them, often don’t and feel really bad if they do. 2) It is useful. Ambivalence allows you to explore your choices, and make no mistake about it, change is absolutely a choice. You need to decide if there are more pros to changing than there are to staying the same, or if the drawbacks you currently experience are worth making the effort to change, even though you know it might be tough. 3. When you change, it can still be there. In fact, once you’ve decided to give something up, it’s possible that your mindset starts to change to focus on all the things you miss about it. This is the tough time…sticking to what you’ve gone for or going back. If you do go back, you’re not a failure, a loser or a lesser person, you just made a choice that now wasn’t the right time for you to make that change, and that’s ok. So how do you start to work through ambivalence? Try this simple little too. It’s known as a Decisional Balance Sheet. We like the name of course!! 🙂 As with the example above, divide a piece of paper into four even squares and label them something like ‘Good things about changing’, ‘Bad things about changing’, ‘Good things about staying the same’ and ‘Bad things about staying the same.’ Then for the change you’re considering, put all the thoughts you have about it into the box that best corresponds. How do you analyse the results? You can just look at the volume of answers. If there are lots in the benefits of change and drawbacks of staying the same boxes, then you might well want to go for it. Sometimes though, it’s more about quality than quantity, so it’s worth going back through to look at which answers you feel are most important. You can do this by numbering them 1-however many, and it may help you decide what’s right for you right now. Needless to say, it’ll be a balanced decision and right for you. Next time…we’ll look at how you can stick to the changes you decide to make.
